Our Work shouldn’t be Lonely
I’m counting down the minutes until my Friday night shift ends. I’m tired, stressed, and just want to go home. I think ahead about what movie to watch and food to snack on. I finally get home and lie down with some food.
And then I get a text.
I’m invited to play board games at a friend’s house. I kindly turn down the offer. I’m too tired, still decompressing from work. I can’t socialize. We’ll hang out some other time when I’m not tired and stressed.
But when the weekend is over, I don’t feel rested and ready to go back to work. I feel lonely. I feel like my weekend was missing something, and I come back to work on Monday with a mixed attitude.
This isn’t one incident, but a summary of multiple moments in my young adult life. I used to think escaping from the world was essential to my well being. Yes I love my friends, but sometimes I just need to get away. It’s certainly the easiest thing for me to do.
And yet, doing something that’s easier doesn’t mean it’s necessarily giving me the kind of rest I need. In some ways, spending an afternoon binging a season of a show can be relaxing, but socially I don’t come out of it any better, and spiritually I often feel isolated.
Yes, we need to rest. We need to know when to say no. God created Sabbath for a good reason. My question isn’t if we should rest, but how to rest, and if that’s supposed to be in isolation.
What if our friendships weren’t meant to be separated from our work life? What if rest didn’t require escaping from the world, but finding a space to lay down your burdens of the world?
1. God and Neighbor: Our Motivation to Work
When you work a full time job, you can subtly lose sight of what your purpose in work is. Yes, we work to pay the bills and put food on the table. But beyond the necessities, who is our purpose in working? Who gives us the motivation?
If we are looking for purpose and motivation, our foundation should first be our Creator and Redeemer. God created us to work. (Genesis 1:28-31) The Garden of Eden showed man and woman working together in communion with God. This is how work is supposed to be. Not vanity or competition.
Work is also part of God’s redemption. (Ephesians 2:10) As we wait for the return of Jesus Christ, we individually don’t know how much time each of us has left in this life. Little is guaranteed for each day. (James 4:13-17)
As easy as it is, we cannot allow the stress of daily work to distract us from God’s merciful provision over our work. God has graced our bodies and minds with the health and ability to work. The Spirit who first breathed life into Adam continues to give us the breath to live and work each day. The Lord gives us a day to work for His Kingdom, and when the day is done, we lay it before our King.
There’s a great new worship song about work by The Porter’s Gate titled, “You Hold it All”. The beautiful lyrics illustrate this perfectly:
“All our plans, all our dreams, our ambition
Lay them down, lay them at Your feet
Even if nothing comes to fruition
Lay them down, lay it at Your feet
Lay it down, lay it at Your feet”
The danger of losing sight of this can happen in the ministry context too. Reading stories today of ministry burn out and scandal has become pretty common. But Christians have always been aware of this danger.
Augustine addressed this in a letter to a friend living a monastic life. The 4th century Church Father wrote to his fellow clergyman, Eudoxius, to make sure he and his fellow monks stay humbly surrendered to God, not allowing the separated culture of monastic living to interfere with their abidance in Christ and witness to the world. (Ford, 2022, Pg. 132-133)
God first and foremost should be who gives us purpose. If I separate my work from the Kingdom, I’m out of step with the Holy Spirit.
But I don’t think it stops there. While all the glory goes to God, we are also created for communion with each other. As I previously discussed, the call to love God and our neighbor is joined together. Adam wasn’t complete until Eve was created. (Genesis 2:18) This is where the wisdom of Ecclesiastes comes in:
“Again, I saw futility under the sun: There is a person without a companion, without even a son or brother, and though there is no end to all his struggles, his eyes are still not content with riches. ‘Who am I struggling for,’ he asks, ‘and depriving myself of good things?’ This too is futile and a miserable task.”
Self-centered success is a dead end. Not only should we be working for God’s Kingdom, we should be working for those we love, whether they be family, friends, or those in need.
But beyond purpose, what about our burdens? What about our stress and loneliness?
“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm?”
Since COVID, less people are going to friends for emotional support, but more people are feeling lonely. (Day, 2022, Pg. 55-56) Personally, I often struggled to vulnerably seek friends for support long before the pandemic. But this isolation isn’t the friendship we were created for. It certainly speaks against the Gospel. We are called to carry each others’ burdens. (Galatians 6:2)
This goes back to my story about isolating after work. The companionship Ecclesiastes talks about, the call for the Church to lift each other up, all these things speak against escaping from my stress. What if instead we seek close, safe friends who we share our work stress with? What if when I am exhausted from work, I spend time with friends, not performing with a smile, but helping each other rest in communion?
“Spending quality time with loved ones can increase our oxytocin. If you are stressed, it is healthy for you to take a break from work and responsibility and go out to eat with someone you enjoy being with. The bonding, the laughter, the face-to-face brain chemistry, all increase oxytocin. Telling people how we feel, though awkward and scary, can leave us feeling more connected.”
I shouldn’t be working for the weekend, looking forward to taking my “work life” out of the space. I shouldn’t be looking to rest by tuning God out and escaping to my screens. Instead, my friends and I should be listening and sharing our burdens with each other. We should be seeking the Holy Spirit in our rest.
Instead of “checking out” with our friends, let us allow our friends to process our work, learn, and rest.
Bibliography
The Porter’s Gate. (2023). You Hold it All (feat. Leslie Jordan and Jon Guerra). On Worship for Workers.
Ford, C. (2022). A Bond between Souls: Friendship in the Letters of Augustine. Bellingham, WA. Lexham Press.
Day, Heather Thompson & Seth. (2022). I’ll See You Tomorrow: Building Relational Resilience when you want to Quit. Nashville, TN. W Publishing Group.
Scripture quotations marked CSB have been taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible® and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.
Thumbnail Image: Cover Art for “You Hold it All” by The Porter’s Gate.