Friendship: A Treasure worth storing for Eternity
I’ve always appreciated the friends in my life, but I too often keep them at a distance. Friends come and go. Having experienced the pain of falling out, betrayal, and guilt of how I’ve treated others, I place limitations to how vulnerable and committed I will be with my friends.
I guess I thought if I did this, I could experience the joy of friendship while not risking the pain of losing friends.
And yet I was still lonely, and often felt unseen.
Last year, Gavin Ortlund posted a video discussing the topic of friendship, loneliness, and how Christians from the past viewed the subject. I was very convicted after watching it, and since then I’ve been looking more into how Christians over history have viewed friendship.
What I have learned is that for most of Church history friendship was a form of intimacy and relational fulfillment Christians highly valued. Friendship was seen as a sacred bond, and only in the last century has it been significantly watered down in Western culture.
Romance is beautiful, but God has been convicting me that romance is not the only solution to loneliness and desire for intimacy. I believe that whether you are single, dating, or married, all of us could benefit greatly from seeking deeper and more intimate friendships in our lives.
What is the purpose of Friendship?
What specifically makes a relationship a friendship can be debated, as can its ultimate purpose. C.S. Lewis wrote about friendship in his book The Four Loves, which I highly recommend. I don’t agree with all of his conclusions, particularly when he discusses gender differences on friendship, but overall I find his writing on the subject inspiring.
“...Companionship is, however, only the matrix of Friendship. It is often called Friendship, and many people when they speak of their ‘friends’ mean only their companions. But it is not Friendship in the sense I give to the word.
...(friendship) is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision— it is then that Friendship is born. And they stand together in immense solitude. ”
I find the concept of a shared vision in friendship compelling. Lewis elaborates that true friendship has some shared purpose to it beyond enjoying each others’ company. (Lewis, 1960, Pg. 249)
In the broadest sense, this concept of a deep, purposeful friendship can be found regardless of religious beliefs. Christian or secular, friends can stand together in a meaningful way and find intimacy thanks to a shared vision. But I think that’s what makes Christian friendship hypothetically the most rewarding of all friendships, as that shared vision is a fellow friend, Jesus.
The unique Spirituality of Christian Friendship
In John 15:13-16, Jesus famously refers to His disciples as His friends. He says they are His friends if they do what He commands. In verse 17, He states that His command is to love another.
There’s a lot to unpack with this passage, but there’s two points for this blog I want to highlight.
First, with the ancient understanding of friendship in mind, Jesus is inviting us into a very personal and intimate relationship by calling us His friend. The passage makes it clear Jesus is still Lord and King, but He is not a distant Lord and King. He is personal and vulnerable. Likewise, as true friends, Jesus knows our truest self, our most raw personality, and walks beside us.
Jesus shows us His loyalty to our friendship by laying down His life for us, even though we don’t deserve it, and even though we often are not loyal friends. In fact, Jesus died for us when we weren’t His friends, but rather His enemies.
What a Friend we have in Jesus!
Second, with Jesus commanding the disciples to love one another, Jesus is inviting us into a community of friends. Jesus chooses us, and introduces us to others whom we may love and be loved by.
Not only does such friendship bless us with rich fulfillment, but it also grows our sanctification with God. This was something Augustine saw in the spirituality of Christian friendship.
“Unique to Augustine was his view that friends and friendship are a gift from God. Whereas Aristotle would assert that people chose friends based on the virtue they see in others, Augustine viewed friends as those who are placed in one’s lives for the purpose of seeking God together.”
What could be a more fulfilling vision for a friendship to bond over than the Kingdom of God?
Treasures that Last
There was one thing I came to realize in studying this topic that completely changed how I saw friendship and its application for today: Christian friendship stores treasures in heaven.
A healthy, Christian friendship not only reveals to us a glimpse of the Kingdom coming, but also prepares us for eternity. When we meet together and enjoy each other's company, we can believe the Holy Spirit is present and moving.
What if spending time with friends wasn’t just something to fill the time, but actually something God sanctifies? What if when we have fun together, we aren’t just relaxing, but enjoying the Spirit’s communion?
Jesus calls us to not store treasures on earth, which will eventually rot, but instead store treasures in heaven, which are eternal. (Matthew 6:19-21) Paul says in 1st Corinthians 13 that love is what gives meaning to our works and actually lasts forever.
So what would it look like if we made friendship a higher priority in our lives? What would it look like to be more vulnerable with our friends? What would it look like to pray and allow the Holy Spirit to grow our friendships with eternity in mind?
Bibliography
C.S. Lewis and Helen Joy Lewis. (1960). The Four Loves. New York, NY. Inspirational Press.
Ford, C. (2022). A Bond between Souls: Friendship in the Letters of Augustine. St. Bellingham, WA. Lexham Press.
McKnight, S. (2013). Sermon on the Mount. Grand Rapids, MI. Zondervan.
Thumbnail Image: David and Jonathan by Rembrandt. 1642. Hermitage Museum, Saint Petersburg.